So Wrong (the collected pornographica of Elsie)

Good afternoon sisters, ladies… and I see we have a few gentlemen present, welcome! Thank you for joining me today. I hope you will find my talk both informative and entertaining.

Now, I understand that many of you have little or no experience with this particular subject. Therefore, this talk will be mainly geared toward the rank beginner… although I hope that even those of us with a little more experience under our belts may glean some new and useful knowledge from this afternoon’s lecture.

At this time, I would like to bring my assistant up onto the stage.  Thank you. Yes, please, hold your applause until the end of the lecture. Now, this dapper fellow before you is about twenty years old. Yes, thank you William. He is twenty-one years of age. A sporting young gent, fit and trim. In many ways he is in his very prime. Not a bad specimen at all.

I imagine that many of you ladies have not yet seen the male of our species in his natural state. So now, if I may, I will ask young William here to disrobe.

…thank you. Again, I would ask you to hold your applause until the very end. Isn’t he lovely? Turn around once my dear? Delightful. Now, turn back around and face the audience. Ah yes, very good. William, be a dear and lie down on this slab now. Thank you.

You will all have noticed, of course, the most obvious physical differences. Now some of you may have found the main anatomical feature… somewhat underwhelming? Well, fear not my sisters! What we see here is the penis in its resting, flaccid, state. Perhaps even a trifle affected by a touch of stage fright. This, I can assure you, is quite easily remedied. The male of the species, particularly the younger specimens, are very easily excited. Allow me to demonstrate.

Pardon me while I shift out of my blouse. I do not, and never shall I, wear a corset. But that is a topic for another day. Ah, there, much better! And oh my, I do believe we are already seeing some glimmer of interest down there! Very nice!

You can see ladies, the mere sight of my unfettered (and if I may say, less than extraordinary) bosom has in itself caused a notable change, quite a visible swelling. Now, if I just drag the tip of one finger along the underside of the member, thusly… back and forth… Oh gracious, how gratifying! Isn’t that lovely? How proudly it stands up! Even to the experienced practitioner, it is always delightful to see how with a minimal amount of effort, such… dramatic growth can be achieved!

If I may for a few moments direct your attention upwards ladies (yes, I know, we will get back to that very soon), you will no doubt have noticed the lack of breasts. Bosoms no, but the nipples are emphatically present. The male nipple, my friends, is far from superfluous. It is in fact, perhaps even more sensitive than our own. It may be caressed, pinched, nibbled, even twisted or pulled upon surprisingly hard with no ill effect to its owner. Observe:

William dear, if you cannot hold still, I may be forced to restrain you.

You can see ladies, he clearly enjoyed my attention, even if that attention was far from gentle. And see for yourselves, how evident that enjoyment is! The penis is even larger, more rigidly erect than before! One of the more delightful aspects of the male physiology is that there is absolutely no chance of him faking his arousal!

Now, since your attention is already down there, let me direct you to his testicles. A certain amount of care must be taken with these, as they are quite sensitive… but they are not nearly so fragile as their owner might lead one to believe, and sometimes a firm squeeze or even a light slap –like so—will temporarily cool down the overly amorous picador. There, there William, I didn’t mean it, you are doing just fine.

Conversely, very gentle manipulation, stroking or fondling them within the protective sac, or applying one’s tongue, or even (and I do particularly enjoy this maneuver myself) taking one or the other of the little fellows between one’s lips, can be very pleasurable. Yes, for him as well.

You will note, ladies, that even as we do things which are pleasurable for him, it is of paramount importance that whatever we do, is first and foremost, pleasurable to us.

An example: William, turn over please. Yes, onto your hands and knees. Just like that. Good.

Observe the posterior! What handsome buttocks! Now ladies, I am surely not alone in occasionally enjoying a light slap across the bottom during a moment of excitement? Many, if not most men enjoy this as well. I would urge you not to be gentle here, the male bottom can withstand a surprisingly vigorous thrashing with no ill effects. Rather, your own hand may begin to sting. If you wish you might use a small quirt, or riding crop with excellent results. But I digress…

Observe the anal orifice. Isn’t it adorable? I assure you sisters, this little hole is not made merely for the passing of excrement. Males may be very bashful about this part of their anatomy, but in my experience, simply brushing one’s fingers around and across the anus will invariably produce the most charming results. If you feel bold, you can very gently insert a wet finger. Oh my, I think he likes it! Two perhaps? Don’t be afraid to insert your fingers all the way inside, if he doesn’t like it, he will let you know. And I think he does like it! If you are really feeling particularly bold, you might lick the area, and even press the tip of your tongue inside… But let us not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Yes, I think young William found that just as exciting as I did! Observe the charming angle of the penis from this perspective, how it remains swollen and erect, observe his testicles… Can you see the silver strand of nectar leaking from the tip? It is a sign of his arousal, and I find its presence most gratifying. It is also sweet to taste, an amuse-bouchet as it were, before the main course…

Roll over William, there’s a dear.

You may be wondering at this point, we have the male in his natural state, and he is quite clearly in a delightful state of arousal… so what can we do with him? Well:

Providence gave him a tongue for a reason, ladies. William here has had some practice, and has become quite accomplished with his, but your own beaux may need instruction and encouragement. I will demonstrate by sitting astride his face, for purposes of demonstration, but I think you will find in your own boudoir, that lying on your back with a pillow or two under your bottom and your legs spread wide askew is the more convenient position for all involved.

In your travels, my sisters, you may encounter some gentlemen who are hesitant or unwilling to provide a lady pleasure in this way. To me this is a reliable marker of a less-than-stellar lover, and these gentlemen certainly do not find themselves on the receiving end of my affections.

But to return to the task at hand. I hope you will not object if I remove my skirts? It is far more convenient this way, although I may testify that a fair-sized hoop skirt can hide a multitude of sins!

There, that is much better! William here has no qualms about pleasuring a lady! In fact he is quite eager, aren’t you dear? A pillow behind his head for his comfort… and I sit astride his face just like so…

Oh, so nice! Truly, the male tongue is truly an underappreciated organ! You can set the pace, or let the gentleman take the lead… oh my… William has discovered my button, my clitoris… and…. ah… oh, Oh MY, that feels nice! He can insert a finger or two into my vagina as well, or into my anus, which feels heavenly. Just as I tongued his nether hole, so can he lick mine, and… ah… oh my, he’s going to make me spend! I am going to rub my clitoris while he keeps on… William don’t you dare stop, whatever you do, don’t stop! Ah! Oh! Aaaah!

Ah, there, that was divine! And look, William remains as aroused as ever! Oh my goodness, let me catch my breath and have a drink of water.

Now if I were a man, that might have been the end of the lecture. Because men, most men, are like a sky-rocket: There is a lovely flash and a bang, and after that the excitement is all over. Many women, however, can be practically insatiable when it comes to the fleshy desires, and I confess that I still have quite a healthy appetite.

Speaking of appetite, allow me to show you the inverse, as it were, of what our young William did for me. I am going to have to be very careful in doing this though, because I don’t want him to spend too soon, for there is still quite a bit of material to cover.

Ladies, there are many ways to approach this, and with practice I am sure you will all develop your very own favored technique. But let me just say this before I proceed: it is by no means required to take the entire thing into your mouth all at once, holus-bolus, a most un-ladylike way to eat a sausage… unless, of course, the fancy takes you!

[inaudible]

There are a variety of tools at your disposal here: use your lips, your tongue, your fingers, you can even gently nibble. Play with the shaft, the crown, the very tip, or detour down to the base and visit the testicles or the nether region below. You can let him slide briefly in between your bosoms if the fancy takes you. Or any combination of these things! Pay attention to his responses and adjust your attentions accordingly. I have to say that I enjoy fellatio very much, and I fancy myself quite good at it. Under other circumstances, I’d be very tempted to bring our young William to climax right now, and even to make him spend right into my mouth. I know that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I find it delightfully satisfying.

Let us leave that for just a moment, and give William here a chance to cool off, for I fear he is in very real danger of becoming overheated!

We are now approaching what many think of as the ‘main event’. As a matter of fact, I’m sure that is the reason many of you are in attendance here today! Before we proceed, however, I want to assure you that ‘The Big One’ is by no means required neither for his or your pleasure or satisfaction. Many times, in fact, my partners and I find that is more convenient, or simply more fun, to bring ourselves off in one of the other ways I have described. And the fact is that ‘screwing’ as the uncouth sometimes call the act of penis-in-vagina sex, comes with certain biological risks, not least of which is the unwanted pregnancy. One can minimize the risks however, by using the somewhat cumbersome, but quite effective condom. It is easy to apply… There. I can assure you that the barrier does not decrease the pleasure for either one of us, not at all.

There are, of course, many positions from which to choose, and you may mix and match to your heart’s content. I for one am a strong proponent of being taken from behind, and having my bottom slapped and my hair pulled rather hard during the heat of the moment. And flat on my back, with my legs spread wide, and him panting like a bull as he pounds away above me is certainly quite charming! But I see that we are running a little short on time, so for today I shall straddle him, while continuing to face you, the audience. This has the advantage of filling me up quite nicely, while letting him play with my buttocks or reach around and cup my breasts or play with my clitoris.

In other circumstances, I might apply some slippery oil to my vaginal opening, or ask him to have another lick or two, but I find that I am more than wet enough already, and he should slip right in….

Ahhh, that feels so good! It may not slide in so easily for you the first time, but believe me, with a little practice you will fit him just like a glove! You should be aware that these penises come in a bewildering variety of sizes and shapes, but I have yet to meet one that didn’t have charms all its own!

Now, ah… I am driving here, rocking back and forth you see, as well as up and down, and it feels delicious! I could very easily spend again with his penis inside me… I’m really very tempted, but if I were to do so, he would most certainly spend inside me… so reluctantly I shall withdraw…

There are few things, ladies, as satisfying as taking an honest cock into your vagina!

The next act I wish to demonstrate is certainly not for everyone… but it is most certainly for me! The entry is always a little tricky, even when one is extremely aroused, as I am now. I’m just going to apply a little oil to his penis, his cock, and a little more to my own backside… that should be adequate… now take careful aim and…. ahhhh, there it goes, right up inside me.

The feeling, I have to tell you, is absolutely exquisite, and if William would be a darling and reach around and rub my clitoris… I may just spend again! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, that is such an amazing sensation!

I’m going to give myself a quick wipe off, and in the interest of decorum, I will just step behind this screen for a moment to put my clothes back on…

Well, that concludes my lecture. I want to thank each and every one of you for attending today….

Oh, did I forget something? Well, well, I most certainly did! Our poor young William is truly in desperate need of release. Perhaps I could ask for a volunteer from the audience? Yes, you there in the front, the pretty young lady with the lovely pink hat. Please, come up on stage!

Perfect my dear, thank you. Have you ever done this before? No? Lovely, that is perfect. Just set your parasol right there my dear, and remove your gloves. What? Oh no, you’ll do just fine, I’m sure!

If you want you can use some of this oil on your hand, just a dab. Now grasp the penis firmly… ooh, not quite that firmly… there you go, you’re a natural! Go as fast or slow as you wish… the faster you go, the quicker he will spend… that’s right, you’re amazing! Look at how his body responds to your touch! You are going to make him spend right here on stage, won’t you be proud!

What’s that? Well, of course you can darling! Just lean over and open your mouth and take the ‘crown’, the swollen purple part between your lips. Careful of your teeth! Yes, and keep moving your hand, just like that. Oh my Dear, you’re going to… He’s about to….

Oh my!! Well! Just look at that! That was certainly… impressive! No, don’t stop my dear, not quite yet, not if you have one shred of decency in your soul… wait for him to be all done. There you go, lovely!

That was amazing, and your first time too! You didn’t miss one drop! Thank you, Miss… Penelope? Thank you all so much. Once again, it has truly been a pleasure! Please do ‘come’ again!

END